The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey

Author:Stephen R. Covey [Covey, Stephen R.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 1-929-49424-6

Let the Agreement Govern

One mother shared how a win-win agreement helped her get off her children’s backs and let them learn responsibility:

When our children were small, I had always made sure their clothes were clean, neatly folded, and put away. As they got older, I taught them to sort the laundry and put away their own clothes. But when they reached their early teens, we felt the time had come to give them the stewardship of really being responsible for their own clothes. So at one of our family times just before school started, we talked about it. We decided together what would be a win for them and a win for us. And we set up a win-win clothing agreement.

We agreed that we would provide them with a certain amount of money for a “clothing allowance” each week, transportation for them to buy clothes, and help with clothing repair. In turn they agreed that they would wash, fold, and put away their laundry each week, keep their clothes drawers and closets neat and orderly, and not leave clothes lying around. We set up an “unwanted box” for anything left lying around. Each item put in the box cost twenty-five cents of their clothing allowance to redeem.

We also agreed that every week we would have an accountability session. They would turn in a sheet of paper that listed the allowance they had earned that week by doing chores. Also on the paper was a place for them to check off whether or not they had done their laundry.

The year started out great. We taught them how to use the laundry machines. They were excited about having money to buy their own clothes, and they went through several weeks with clean, folded clothes. But as they became more involved in school activities, they began to miss a week here and there. At one point they were missing more than they were making it happen.

It was a big temptation to nag them about it, and sometimes I did. They were always sorry and always had plans to do better. But after a while I began to realize that I had given them a responsibility and then had taken it back. As long as I was reminding them, it was my problem, not theirs.

So I bit my tongue and let the agreement play itself out. Every week I cheerfully sat down with them and accepted their paper. I paid them the allowance they earned. If they had done their clothes, I gave them their clothing allowance. If not, I didn’t. Week after week they were brought face-to-face with their own performance.

Before long, clothes began to wear out. Shoes got too small. They began to say, “I really need some new clothes!”

“Great!” I said. “You have your clothing allowance. When would you like me to take you shopping?”

The reality suddenly seemed to get through. They realized that some of their choices about the way they were spending their time may not have been the best.

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